#10 – On dealing with flight delays
Your step-by-step guide to talking to customer service, receiving a food voucher and getting booked on the next flight
Happy New Year! Are you planning to travel this year? Have you ever wondered what you should be doing when your flight gets delayed?
I got you covered with this list of 15 things to do when your flight gets delayed.
1. Immediately start looking for your lipstick, hoop earrings, or black shades in your overly packed backpack. Remind yourself that no matter what happens in life, your style will not be sacrificed.
2. Take a few deep breaths in a completely futile attempt to relax even though you know that this flight delay will lead to emotional eating, misspelled text messages and a deeper strain on your already strained nervous system.
3. Look around for another person who seems equally frustrated. A shared mental state creates an instant bond. Seize this glorious moment and say, “It’s so annoying, isn’t it?” in as annoyed a tone as possible.
4. Closely analyze the faces of the customer service staff behind the counters. Go to the one who is already on the phone. Approach them with a brisk, confident walk and make a low, humming noise to announce your presence.
5. Nod your head vigorously to let the staff know that you can wait. Remember, you want this person to like you. Act as if you are on a date where you clearly like the other person more than they like you.
6. Once their phone call is over, ask them, “Oh hey, how is it going?” as if you were their friend in college or at least a vaguely familiar face they always sat next to in classes.
7. Compliment their hairstyle or outfit and keep the small talk going for at least 2.5 minutes. Drop the small talk whenever they start forming a quizzical brow or twitching their lips (whichever comes first).
8. Ask them if they could book you on another flight. Use at least three “please” in your request to let them know that your mama raised you right.
9. Feel a surge of disappointment move through your body when they announce that the next flight is in 42 hours. Swallow your bitter disappointment, and respond, “Yessss, let’s do that!” with the eagerness of a 5-year-old kid.
10. Wait for 11 minutes watching them clack the keyboard with their eyebrows twisted. It’s important not to interrupt them while they’re doing this. Breathe slowly, but don’t move. Be in a nearby vicinity and remind them of your presence.
11. Accept the freshly printed boarding passes with a beatific smile on your face. Thank the staff with the most effusive and poetic expressions you can think of.
12. Muster all the courage you can gather, look them straight in the eye and ask if they could also give you a food voucher. Remember, even though you’ve got style, you’re still a mammal who needs to eat about every four hours.
13. Scrape up the last remaining supply of your patience and wait some more while the staff clacks their keyboards for three more minutes.
14. Gleefully accept the $25 Subway voucher when it’s offered. Say, “Aww, you did not have to!” Thank them using as many different phrases as possible. Your English teacher would be proud that you’re exercising your linguistic fluency even in the midst of this emotionally turbulent experience.
15. Accidentally respond, “You too!” when the customer service staff says, “Have a safe trip!” Feel your entire body cringe and walk away without a second glance.
PS: All jokes aside, dealing with flight delays is one of the *few* things I consider myself an expert at, and I hope to write a more serious article on this subject one day, but in the meantime, I decided to try out humor writing, just for a change.
PPS: I have a playlist called, “My flight is delayed. Now what?” and it’s just a collection of Jason Mraz songs that calm my heart, i.e. “Be where your feet are,” “Look for the good,” “Living in the moment.” I know I can always count on Jason Mraz (aka Mr. A-Z) to brighten my days.
Thank you for being here! Here is hoping your year is fun, adventurous and flight delay-free. But if the latter happens, now you know exactly what to do :)
