#6 – On aging exuberantly

Three pieces of advice from a Swedish author

Have you recently noticed that you are getting older?

I have, while I was going through some old photos from several years ago. I could not help but notice that there is a significant difference between the person in those photos and the person that is me today. Not just in what I do and where I live but in how I look, feel and perceive the world around me.

Although I am a young person, getting older and aging are things I think about often. I believe that how I think about my life in hindsight will depend greatly on who I am today, and I’m always looking for insights on how to live meaningfully, especially from people who are older than me.

So, earlier this year, when I came across a book with the title, “The Swedish Art of Aging Exuberantly: Life Wisdom from Someone Who Will (Probably) Die Before You,” I absolutely could not resist it. I checked it out from my local library, and I started reading a little bit from it every evening after work. The book is by Margareta Magnusson, who describes herself as somewhere “between 80 and 100.” You might have heard of her from her internationally best-selling book, “The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning.”

The woman has lived (and is living) a full and beautiful life. She and her husband raised 5 (!) kids, lived all around the world – from North America to Europe to Asia – and she has exhibited her art in galleries from Hong Kong to Singapore. In her retirement, Magnusson has written two books.

The book on aging exuberantly is a short one – 160 pages, and each chapter is focused on one piece of advice, with which she shares some incredible stories to give context and explanation. It was one of the more delightful and easier books I’ve read this year, and in this letter, I’d like to share with you some of Magnusson’s wise advice on aging exuberantly.

The habit of kärt besvär (“shairt bessvair”)

Magnusson says that the Swedish idiom kärt besvär sums up many things she is doing as she is aging. She explains that using this idiom as her frame of mind is one of her approaches to aging happily. She describes kärt as “cherished or beloved” and besvär as “pain or sorrow” or a burden or a nuisance.

She gives the example of paying your monthly bills – it is somewhat of an annoying obligation, but still, the fact that we are able to pay our bills is something we can feel grateful for and can feel good about. It is somewhat of a burden on the surface, but when we look beyond it, there is also something to be grateful for underneath that nuisance.

Another example she gives is taking care of someone who is sick – which is not an easy thing, but if we do it, it also means that we are strong enough ourselves to be able to do it. Magnusson writes that every time she is faced with these kinds of tasks, she reminds herself that it is kärt besvär.

Putting (some) effort into your appearance

Magnusson mentions that putting a little bit of effort into how we show up in the world can go a long way. Specifically, she recommends wearing stripes.

She notes, “Stripes look good on men, women, children, and me. Stripes never go out of style—so they are cheap in the long run. Stripes may not make you look younger. But you do not look older.”

Volunteering whenever possible

Magnusson also recommends volunteering for aging exuberantly. She says that it can be as easy as reading for school children for a couple of hours every week. She cites the inspiring example of David Sedaris, who is known for picking up trash in his neighbourhood, and notes that every one of us can make a contribution to our communities in big and small ways.

She writes, “Get involved – it will help you and it will help the world.”

PS: Speaking of inspirational women, here are some beautiful words from Joan Didion who I have been thinking of lately. (Note: Bold emphasis is my own—just making a special note of this to myself.)

“I'm not telling you to make the world better, because I don't think that progress is necessarily part of the package. I'm just telling you to live in it. Not just to endure it, not just to suffer it, not just to pass through it, but to live in it. To look at it. To try to get the picture. To live recklessly. To take chances. To make your own work and take pride in it. To seize the moment. And if you ask me why you should bother to do that, I could tell you that the grave's a fine and private place, but none I think do there embrace. Nor do they sing there, or write, or argue, or see the tidal bore on the Amazon, or touch their children. And that's what there is to do and get it while you can and good luck at it.”

—Joan Didion

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